Q&A Part One

Thanks for all the great questions that were posted and emailed to us! I am going to answer one or two at a time so it isn't one enormously long post. Please feel free to submit a new question if you missed it the first time. Here goes!

Can you even compare what your life was pre-kids to how it is now? Do you think it's a fair argument when people say they don't want kids because they don't want to change their lifestyle? Of course it's worth it, but just curious of your experience.

This is a great question and a topic that Andy and I have talked about many times over the past year. It usually hits us on Sundays when we are at home with the boys and ask ourselves, "What did we used to do every weekend before they were born?" Sleep in and relax come to mind... neither of which we get to do much of these days!

In all seriousness, our lives have changed more than we could have imagined now that we have Max and Tyler. Sure, we aren't going to bars on Broadway every Saturday night and our weekends now usually consist of take-out and a movie at home, but we have experienced many more changes that have little or nothing to do with our social lives. Almost immediately after the boys were born, Andy and I realized that we had had unknowingly become part of a "Secret Society" called Parenthood. It is a world that is nearly impossible to explain and one that can never fully be understood until you become a parent yourself. Parenthood is so complex and unique, in fact, that I am struggling right now to articulate any type of coherent thought.

One of the biggest changes in our lives now versus pre-kids is that we can no longer put ourselves first. There are obvious reasons -- infants are needy and demanding and rely completely on others to survive -- but it is so much more than that. Upon joining this "Secret Society," we realized that we want to do everything we can to give our children the best life possible. It also became more clear that our parents have been putting our needs before their own ever since they became parents as well. I guess that's what you do when you have kids!

In an effort to avoid rambling on, I think parenthood can be summed up in one word : selfless. Yes, it is still extremely important to take care of yourself, challenge yourself, give time to your marriage, and find fulfillment outside of your kids. But by becoming a parent, you are accepting responsibility for another human life -- and that is something that is impossible to do without sacrificing a little (or a lot) of yourself.

That being said, I definitely think it's a fair argument when people say they don't want kids because they don't want to change their lifestyle. Having kids is HARD and it affects every aspects of your life -- especially how you spend your time. It is impossible to fully prepare for parenthood and everything it brings, but I think it's a given that your lifestyle will change in one way or another. And if that is something you are not ready for or willing to adjust to, I don't think there's anything wrong with being honest with yourself and acting accordingly.

There are certainly some rather annoying and inconvenient things that come along with the lifestyle changes of having kids (diapers, nap schedules, unpredictable meltdowns...); but I personally think the rewards of parenthood far outweigh the annoyances.